After praying for the youth last night, I was empowered to pray for these young people more; that their desire to know God would continue and they would keep blessing and sharing the gospel to other people. The youth has a huge impact in this world. They can make a difference. And my prayer is that this year, more and more will get to know God and be on fire for Jesus! I also pray that more schools will be reached out and campus ministries will get bigger and better.

The first day was already full of surprises and revelations. He already showed His faithfulness to me, telling me that in my weakness, He is going to be my strength. God did not leave me empty-handed despite my empty stomach. The moment I needed knowledge, He provided it for me. How can I not adore Him for that?

As we’re pressing towards the remaining days of this fasting, I am longing for more. I know that the more I deny myself of the things of this world, the more I will be intimate and passionate about God.

It will get more intense in the next coming days and we really need to devote ourselves to prayer. Tonight is going to be an awesome experience worshiping God again, I’m expecting that prayers will be answered and more people will come and will be hungrier for His presence.

Well, this year is not an exemption to that. In fact, I’m pretty much stoked this time. I don’t know, I’ve been so blessed last year that I’m thinking this year would be even better. I’m excited for many things this year. I’m looking forward to so many opportunities and big changes that could come. I’m pumped up to know what God is going to do with my life.

I promised myself that this year will be a whole lot different. For years, I got so used with how my life is going and now I don’t know how to get out from my comfort zone. You see, this time, I want to break free. I want to challenge myself with the things I was scared to do before. I want to make use of what God has given me in order to excel and make a change. I seriously want to be more productive this time.

So I’ve made some plans and decisions to achieve the things I want this year: Some of these I will share to you:

• I wanna go back to reading books and writing meaningful posts. I want my passion back.
• I want to have a deeper relationship with God and I want to be hungrier for His Word.
• I want my time on the Internet to be more fruitful. Something that could make me productive.
• I will fight the battle against PROCRASTINATION, MEDIOCRITY and LACK OF CONFIDENCE.
• I wanna push myself forward and do better things at work.
• I will be wiser in spending my money.
• I want boldness in every area of my life.
• I will seek God in every decision that I will make.
• I will try to live a life that is holy and pleasing to His sight. I will refrain myself from doing things that I know will not honor Him.

So yeah, to start things off, I’m getting rid of my addictions and bad habits, aka the Internet. HAHAHA! Four days to go and our annual Prayer and Fasting in church is going to happen. I’m joining because I know this will help me become more sensitive to God’s voice. It’s the perfect time to be more intimate in my communication with Him and be filled with the Holy Spirit. I’m also praying for many things, breakthroughs for my family and personal life and I believe this will also help me achieve them.

This prayer and fasting is not just about refraining ourselves from eating but also, denying ourselves to the things that consume us most rather than God. Our addictions to many things often rob us from having a pure relationship with God. And for a person like me, I’ve been an internet slave for so many years now… and it’s not really healthy I know. That’s why I’m taking a break from all of it – Facebook, Twitter, and other social networking sites. It’s time to devote my time to God. And it’s going to be as early as now that I will stop using them. I will no longer wait for the Prayer and Fasting to start. Today is the start of my hiatus. But I’ll spare this little haven of mine so I could write something during my seven-day devotion.

With all the things I listed above, I know it’s going to be a tough ride. With how fast things pass by and how time flies, it’s going to be hard for me to accomplish all these things instantly. But, who says I’m going solo on this ride? Nope, I’m not even gonna drive this whole thing. I have Someone to take care of everything I need in this journey and I’m giving the driver’s seat to Him.

And afterall, it’s all about Him. I may have all these plans, but I’m trusting God’s plans more than mine. He knows what’s best and I can only surrender myself to Him. Whatever His will is, may it be done.

With this, I am reminded of these two bible verses and I’m going to end my entry with it:

For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven. (Ecclesiastes 3:1)

So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with My righteous right hand. (Isaiah 41:10)

As I’m writing this entry, I am trying to find the words that best describe my 2011 and these came to my mind:

BLESSED

OPPORTUNITIES

GOD

Honestly, I could not put into words how good this year has been to me. It is by far my most favorite year, not that there were no sad moments (of course, there were times), but this year has brought me a lot of realizations, new learnings that will forever change me as a person.

This year, I received the best gift a man can have… the gift of salvation. It was liberating to choose God over my problems, to put God at the top of my priority list, to dedicate my heart to Him because He has brought a lot of changes in my life since then. Yes, a lot has changed in me, and I’m proud with it. I know for sure, I am never going back to the old me.

This year, my dad stayed healthy and thank God, there were no threats of going back to the hospital for some serious treatments. I really owe my parents’ health to God. Being an only child, I have no one to back me up when they’re both having health problems… and every time it happens, I get scared, bigtime. I only depend on God, He’s always been the source of my strength and I couldn’t thank Him enough for taking care of these two important persons in my life.

I’ve learned a lot this year. My career as a writer stepped an inch higher when I got the chance to write my own scripts and produce segments for a program. The experience was bittersweet  –  I encountered a lot of difficulties and I did struggle coping, but nonetheless, it was a fruitful one. I know I can bring all those lessons and experiences when I decide to go out and venture somewhere else.

This year, I was able to learn and know God more through the classes I’ve attended in church. The progress I’ve achieved this year was the result of God’s faithfulness in my life. I owe everything to Him – from the knowledge and wisdom He has given, to the opportunities and chances to show the growth He has put in me. Knowing and serving Him have given me this kind of fulfillment I don’t think I could get from any other things. Every experience was just utterly awesome and rewarding.

I’ve made a lot of friends this year and I will always be thankful for them. From my churchmates, (ushering ministry, T4V classmates, friendly admin staff, pastors, all Victory Makati peeps!) down to the new additions to the 20 Plus family, I’m glad and I feel blessed that they’re part of my 2011.

There are so many things to be thankful for this year and I couldn’t jot em all down here (if I do, you’ll get tired reading this entry. ) All I know for sure is that, this wouldn’t be so awesome if not for my family, friends, and for the awesome Heavenly Father who’s been with me all the time.

This year might have been glorious and wonderful, but I’m expecting that 2012 will be so much better. I am clinging to God’s promises, I’m believing for more breakthroughs (claiming it, Lord! ). And as I expect for more wonderful things to happen next year, I pray that God would always guide us (including my families and friends) and lead us to where we should be… according to His will. As 2012 comes, may I continue to live a God-centered life, in full armor, shielded by God’s amazing grace, and totally surrendered to His plans.

It’s been a year full of God’s favor and I am so looking forward for 2012! May God pour out more blessings unto us.

Have a blessed new year, everyone!

No, dear brothers and sisters, I have not achieved it, but I focus on this one thing: Forgetting the past and looking forward to what lies ahead, I press on to reach the end of the race and receive the heavenly prize for which God, through Christ Jesus, is calling us. (Philippians 3:13-14 NLT)

]]> http://ehmceeyehm.wordpress.com/2011/12/31/985/feed/ 0 ehmceeyehm Blessings after blessings! :D http://ehmceeyehm.wordpress.com/2011/09/25/on-making-disciples/ http://ehmceeyehm.wordpress.com/2011/09/25/on-making-disciples/#comments Sun, 25 Sep 2011 06:43:29 +0000 Cristina https://ehmceeyehm.wordpress.com/2011/09/25/on-making-disciples/ ]]>

Our Training for Victory (T4V) class started yesterday and I must say that I’m enjoying this 10-week course about Discipleship. It’s like going back to school again, preparing for today’s lesson, reviewing past lessons, sharing experiences with classmates, taking exams and all that stuff.

It is somehow refreshing because it allows us to gain more knowledge about God’s promises to us and it helps us deepen our understanding of God’s purposes for us.

When I became a Christian, I thought the moment I get baptized and accepted Jesus as my Savior, it’s all done, I can live a life of freedom because I am saved. Well, while that statement holds true, it doesn’t stop right there. I learned that we are called to be God’s “workers” and Jesus was very clear to His message when He told us about the Great Commission.

Discipleship is not just about fishing for men. It’s not just about adding people to the church’s population so it could brag about the number of attendees in the weekend services. I learned that Discipleship is all about having genuine relationship with people.

I’m the type of person who can’t easily approach people. When in crowd, I am usually the quiet one, enjoying each thought balloon that passes my head. And as I study more of God’s Word, I realized that I would grow more if I connect with people, that spiritual maturity also comes from having a genuine connection to people around you – more than just saying hi’s and hello’s, but really knowing their stories and being part of their lives.

And this class is preparing my heart for that. God is preparing me for this Great Commission. While I focus on becoming a much better Christian, I realized that that’s not really what it’s all about. I won’t gain the maturity that I need if I would only focus on making myself better.

It’s about loving people- unceasingly, without any reason, no excuses, no boundaries. When we learn to love God’s people, we will learn what true Christianity is. We will know God better.

It is clear in the Bible:

We are designed to be “workers” of God. When we follow Jesus, we make ourselves “fishers of men.” (Matthew 4:19)

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If some of the branches have been broken off, and you, though a wild olive shoot, have been grafted in among the others and now share in the nourishing sap from the olive root, do not consider yourself to be superior to those other branches. If you do, consider this: You do not support the root, but the root supports you. You will say then, “Branches were broken off so that I could be grafted in.” Granted. But they were broken off because of unbelief, and you stand by faith. Do not be arrogant, but tremble. For if God did not spare the natural branches, he will not spare you either. (Romans 11:17-21)

Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good. Be devoted to one another in love. Honor one another above yourselves. Never be lacking in zeal, but keep your spiritual fervor, serving the Lord. Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer. Share with the Lord’s people who are in need. Practice hospitality. (Roman 12:9-13)

Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everyone. If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.Do not take revenge, my dear friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: “It is mine to avenge; I will repay,” says the Lord. On the contrary:

“If your enemy is hungry, feed him;

if he is thirsty, give him something to drink.

In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head.”

(Romans 12:17-20)

All verses leading into one thought– On treating others. This is a good reminder for me because sometimes, I can’t help but brag about myself like I’m all superior because I’m a changed person now. I know it’s wrong and I try not to entertain the thought because it is not how God wants me to be. In the first place, I don’t have anything to brag about. God is teaching me to be humble– AT ALL TIMES. And not just with people who I share same interests with, but also with my enemies and with the non-believers. Sometimes, I get to a point when I can no longer bear this one person and everything he does just blows my top and I can”t help but get mad at him. I would yell at him and tell him how annoying he is. I easily lose temper to people I really don’t like, but God doesn’t want us to practice favouritism, He himself demonstrated that kind of love when He showed compassion not only to the Jews but to the Gentiles as well. To Him, every one of us is just equal– whether people believe in Him or not,  whether he is good or bad. And that’s exactly the same thing that He wants me to remember this day.

Just like what Rick Warren tweeted a while ago,

It’s EASY to love people like yourself. But for God to teach you REAL love, He must bring unlovely people into your life.

Thank You, Lord for Your Word today. Be my guide and change me. Mold me into a better one. Take away this egoistic nature that’s living inside me and teach me to be humble. Let not rage and bitterness  reign over my heart but love and compassion to others. Teach me to be patient, O God, help me to understand and be sensitive to the needs of others. Let the Holy Spirit fill me up inside with Your goodness so I may share goodness to others as well. In Jesus’ name I pray, AMEN.

Last night, I dreamt of it again. It felt so real I thought I was doing it in real life. When I woke up, I found myself still, hugging my pillow tight beside my chest. It didn’t feel good. I began speaking to God telling, “Lord, why do I have to be reminded of these things? I believe my past has gone long before I surrendered myself to You but why does it keep coming back to me?” Then I hurriedly went downstairs to wash my face and went back to my room to pray. I prayed intently to God that I didn’t like that dream and if the enemy is just trying to make me feel guilty about it then I want God to reign over my heart so He could take it away from me. I asked God to speak to me and reveal His word to me and He actually did.

As part of my daily devotion, I read three chapters in the book of Romans today — all chapters revealing something to me, about the nightmare I’ve had last night. Romans 6 talked about us being slaves to sin before we commit ourselves to God but through our Lord Jesus Christ’s death, we are no longer slaves to it but slaves to righteousness.

If we have been united with Him like this in His death, we will certainly also be united with Him in His resurrection. For we know that our old self was crucified with Him so that the body of sin might be done away with, that we should no longer be slaves to sin– because anyone who has died has been freed from sin. (Romans 6:5-7)

Romans 7 talked about our struggle to do what’s righteous to God and the interference of our sinful nature.

So I find this law at work: When I want to do good, evil is right there with me. For in my inner being I delight in God’s law, but I see another law at work in the members of my body, waging war against the law of my mind, and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within my members. What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body of death? Thanks be to God– through Jesus Christ our Lord! So then I myself in my mind am a slave to God’s law, but in the sinful nature a slave to the law of sin. (Romans 7:21-25)

So there’s a clearer picture now of what my dream was all about and why it keeps occurring to me. The moment I read it, I began asking myself if I’ve really let go of that past because I keep dreaming about it. Was it my sinful nature? Do I still desire that thing? I felt ashamed and doubted myself for a moment but revived my strength when I read Romans 8.

Therefore, there is no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit of life set me free from the law of sin and death. For what the law was powerless to do in that it was weakened by the sinful nature, God did by sending His Own Son in the likeness of sinful man to be a sin offering. And so He condemned sin in sinful man, in order that the righteous requirements of the law might be fully met in us, who do not live according to the sinful nature but according to the Spirit. (Romans 8:1-4)

You, however, are controlled not by the sinful nature but by the Spirit, if the Spirit of God lives in you. (Romans 8:9)

I was troubled by this dream but got enlightened with God’s Word this morning. After reading the Bible, I prayed and asked for forgiveness if I there is still a sinful desire left in my heart. I asked Him to take it away from me and help me focus in His presence. I also asked the Holy Spirit to guide me so I would not be dreaming the same thing again.

God is more powerful than our sins and we should not be bothered by it. He can take it all away and change our heart in an instant. And even if we may have sinned, God loves us in spite of it. He loves us enough to offer His Son in exchange of our freedom. Maybe those dreams are simple reminders for me that I am living a new life now in Jesus Christ and it’s up to me if I will let myself go back to where I was before.

I am totally enlightened today and my heart is longing for more revelations and encounter with the Lord.

I see your loneliness and fear. I know your hurt and your heartaches. In a special bottle I am storing each and every one of your tears. I see you searching for love, for happiness, for fulfillment. As much as I hate to see your pain, as much as it grieves me to see you struggle, all this must be, in order for you to totally and completely come to the end of your own understanding: only then can you fully hear my voice.

Listen very carefully. Amidst the noise of the world, I’m calling. My voice is in the midst of your worst fears tenderly beseeching you to trust me, in the pain of your loneliness. If you hold real still, you can feel my arms encircling you and hear my soothing words of comfort. Yes, that still, small voice within you is mine. Yes, that gentle touch is me. Give me your pain- yes, all of it, and I will give you my peace. Give me your sorrow and I will give you joy unspeakable. I cherish you, Daughter. I shed my blood so that you could be clean. I want you for my companion, my bride, to love and cherish now and throughout eternity and I plan to dress you in the most beautiful of white garments. As you live out the joy and experience the wonder of being my bride, I will be your gentle tutor conforming you to my image.

I must begin by teaching you how to serve and live in submission to me. Let me convince you of your great value so that you may be able to fully share the love I have given you with the one you someday choose to bring to me as your earthly husband. Then, and only then, will you be the kind of wife I would choose for him. Give yourself completely to me. I want you to deny me nothing. I will not hurt you. I will not disappoint you. You can trust me- completely. I keep my promises. Do not be overly critical of yourself or become depressed because you are not perfect in your own eyes. It saddens me greatly to hear you criticize and devalue the one I love so much. Daughter, in me, you are complete and lacking in nothing. What right do you have to criticize the one I treasure? On what grounds do you find fault with what I have so fearfully and wonderfully made? Why do you call what I deem beautiful- ugly? Why do you believe that that one I love enough to die for is not good enough? Daughter, I want you to know who you are in me. I mean who you really are in me- completely loved and totally forgiven. I want you to trust me one step, one day, one second at a time. Dwell in My power and My love and be all that you are in me, in My strength, and in My power.

Do not fear what might happen or what the future may bring because my grace is sufficient and I will take care of you. Daughter, I know that you long to give yourself to someone, to have a deep relationship with him, and to be loved thoroughly and exclusively by him. But I must say no. Not until my love is enough. Not until you can see yourself truly complete in me. I love you, my child. Until you discover that your joy and satisfaction can be found in me alone, you will not be capable of handling the problems and disappointments that are part of every relationship. You can never be truly united with another in the way your heart desires, only I can fill that emptiness, only I can supply that need, only I can love you enough. You must be united with me, exclusive of anyone or anything else, exclusive of any other desires or longings before you will have the strength to endure the many heart-aches and, yes, even soul-aches of even a seemingly perfect human relationship. I want you to stop planning, stop wishing, and allow me to give you my faithfulness, my gentleness, and my self-control. Then, you will need no other.

Daughter, I want you to allow me to be enough. You must keep your eyes on me, expecting the greatest and the best things from me. Keep experiencing the satisfaction of knowing that I am and that you are my child. Keep learning and listening to the things I tell you. Stay close by my side. Seek my face in the morning, my presence throughout the day, and my comfort at night. I am always there, Daughter. I will never leave you or forsake you. But, you must wait. Don’t be anxious. Do not get in a hurry. Don’t look around and fear or envy the things others have received from me. You must keep from looking off or away. Look up to me or you’ll miss the things I want to show you, and then, when you are ready, I’ll give you the desires I have put in your heart, the strength to endure all things, and the courage to risk your heart. You see, until you are ready and the one I have for you is ready, I am working even this minute to have you both ready at the same time – until you are both living to, which you will, however imperfectly, reflect your relationship in me.

First give me time to heal your wounds, console your heartaches, and ease your disappointments. Find me time to erase the painful memories of the past. Give me time to heal you and make you whole and complete in me. I want you to experience real love- not the selfish, false love of the world. I want you to learn love that is patient and always kind. Love that knows no envy and is never boastful or proud. Love that is never rude or self-seeking. Love that is not easily angered or keeps a record of wrong. Love that does not delight in evil but instead rejoices in truth. The love I want for you, Daughter, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres, never fails. Because this love is of the spirit and not of the flesh, its natural fruit is joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. I cannot give this love to you in or even through another except dimly, and then only in a limited capacity- for all will fail and eventually disappoint you. This perfect love, Daughter, can only be found in me.

Let my perfect love flow from you and spill over to all you touch. Be not concerned with yourself; you are my responsibility. I will change you often without you even knowing it. Take your eyes off yourself, look only to me, I lead, I change, I create, but only when you are not striving. You are mine; let me have the joy of making you into my image- only I can do this. Above all else, look to me and me only, never to yourself and never to others. Do not struggle, relax and trust my love. I know what is best and will do it in and through you if you’ll let me. Stop trying to become, and let me transform you from within. I love you Daughter. Will you let my love be enough for you?

I’m waiting, will you wait too?

- God

*** I am moved. God, You are amazing. I know Your plans for me are better than mine and I’m letting You drive my whole life now. Change me, and mold me into someone better, someone that would bring glory to Your name. I will wait for Your plans for I know it will prosper me in the end. Thank You for Your grace, O God. Thank You for Your faithfulness and for the unfailing love.  I am in awe knowing that I am a daughter of the Kings of the Kings, the Lord of the Lords. I am complete in You. I love you. I worship You and I will forever praise You.

Jesus answered, “Very truly I tell you, no one can enter the kingdom of God unless they are born of water and the Spirit. Flesh gives birth to flesh, but the Spirit gives birth to spirit.” (John 3:5-6)

That was God’s message to me when I read the Bible early this morning. WHAT A WAY TO START MY CHRISTIAN LIFE. Very encouraging. God is encouraging me on my first day as a Christian.

I had the best and most fruitful weekend this year when I joined the Victory Weekend. I knew this would change my life forever. I knew it would give me a deeper understanding of what Jesus has done for me/us. And it did. I got too overwhelmed, too consumed with God’s love and power all throughout the retreat.

This sums up all fruitful things I’ve learned during the Victory Weekend:

• It encouraged me to build a stronger foundation for my Christian walk. Jesus did not promise a storm-free life, but He did promise a storm-proof life just as long as we build our faith in Him.
• Through Christ, I am born again. That I need not to worry about my past because it has already been forgiven ever since He laid down His life at the Cross. That I don’t have to live in the darkness, or curse myself for all the mistakes I’ve done because God can transform my life and wash away all my sins to start anew with Him.
• For the first time in my life, I’ve come to realize the true meaning of what Jesus has done for us – the Cross. I honestly cried a lot when we talked about this because I’ve felt every hurt and pain God endured just for us to be saved. How cannot a man be grateful for God’s love? How can each one of us forget that He suffered great pain and humiliation just so we can freely go on with our lives today?
• The power of the Holy Spirit and its precious gift to me. I never really expected that I’d be able to speak in tongues. I am still in awe every time I think of how the Holy Spirit could touch us and fill us up inside. I may not have understood what I’ve said when I spoke in tongues but I believe I spoke in honor of God. I wasn’t even daydreaming. I’ve seen how my lips moved and spoke every incomprehensible word my mouth was uttering. It was so amazing. So powerful.
• It has brought my identity back. I’ve struggled with my self-esteem issues for a long time and I depended my self-worth on how others would see me. I would always put myself down and I have never believed that I am beautiful. But God chose me. I am a princess and a daughter of the King of the Kings. I am holy. It’s more than enough for a self-booster, you know. I have learned that I should never get insecure with other people because each one of us is made special by God.
• We should learn to love one another – just as God loved us. That we shouldn’t burden ourselves with bitterness and anger but rather learn how to forgive those who have offended us in any way. That we also have to forgive ourselves from all the mistakes we’ve had before for us to have a better relationship with other people as well. God can restore broken relationships and it’s a matter of trusting Him and forgiving those who have sinned against us.
• I believe in God and in His Word alone. I’m not gonna allow myself to be brainwashed by any other beliefs and practices unless it is written in the Bible. God never intended for us to disagree with each other, to confuse our minds with different religions. Everything we have to believe in is in the Bible. What better way to get the answer for all our doubts and fears than to read His Word. I swear, when I started reading and understanding the Bible, the answers to all my questions came rushing to me one by one. It enlightened me. There is nothing in this world that the Bible cannot answer. Everything is in there, we just have to clear our minds up, open our hearts to what the Lord is going to tell us and have a true connection with Him. Only then He will reveal the answers through His Word.
• I have indulged myself into immoral practices before. I’ve been enslaved to worldly pleasures. I know I was doing a major mistake but I kept doing it because of my wrong thinking. I’ve learned that God wants us to be pure and to be free from any sexual immorality. That I should stop it and free myself from the perversity of this world.
• God wants us to be free from any addiction. I used to drink a lot before, and I always throw drinking parties/sessions every time I celebrate an important occasion. But God wants us to make ourselves healthy and clean, He doesn’t want us to abuse our body.  He wants us to focus our lives on Him, and that we spend quality time talking to Him instead of lurking and stalking our crushes on Facebook. Let us not allow ourselves to be slaves of ungodly things or of worldly pleasures. Why can’t we hold on to this very thing that God has promised us? That He will do amazing things for us, much better than the cheap thrills we get every time we indulge into our addictions.
• If we put our faith in Him, we are surrendering everything in His hands believing that He will prosper us in His perfect time. God himself is ever faithful to us, even when we are faithless, just think about all the good things (even the simple ones) that He has done for you. You think life seems cruel but it would come to point that you are able to see a light of hope in your life. God is working on your behalf. You just have to trust Him COMPLETELY.
• Obedience is better than sacrifice. Our walk with God is never easy. But it will lead us to prosperity. God will always lead us to the right path if we only obey His words.

I am blessed to have experienced this wonderful event. I know God has put me here because He never stopped pursuing me – and I need not to run away from Him now. I’m submitting myself to Him, with all my heart, letting go of all my doubts and fears and the nightmares of the past. I am excited for what He is about to do in my life. I am ready for the transformation, ready to be used by Him in fulfilling His plans for us. God is amazing. I pray that people would someday realize this. I was feeling lost before, not knowing where to go, but God made it so easy for me to cope up. He changed my heart. He brought peace in my life. I can now tell the whole world that I don’t need anything or anyone in this world but His love. He completes me. He’s everything I need.

I am a new creation now through Christ Jesus. I am freed from all my sins and it’s only right to give all the praise and glory to His name. Praise God for this new beginning. I am renewed. I am saved. I am healed. Thank You, Jesus.

So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed. (John 8:36)

I don’t know if you’d be able to read this but whatever. This will be my last letter for you, aside from the one I’ve written and gave you the last time we meet. It’s a closure to everything – no hang-ups, no future hopes and promises, nothing else but closure.

I can see that you’re happy with her already and I must be feeling relieved now. Bitterness aside, I am honestly happy for you. I hope she’d love you more than I’ve ever loved you. I hope she’d do those things you love, resist those things you dislike and be the girl that you’ve been wanting to have.

Choosing God over you was crucial, if I may say. But I had no regrets. When He showed me the sign, I knew right away that I had to let you go, but I still hanged a little bit, right? I still doubted if that’s what God really wants me to do. But you know God’s been really patient to me. He never got tired showing me or making me feel that I am better off this relationship.

A lot of people, including you I guess have been weirded about these changes I’m doing – on how I talk about God 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. But it’s not weird for me at all, if you could only see the miracle He has done for me, you’d understand it better.

If not for Him, maybe I’m still depressed right now. Maybe I still get long, sleepless nights, feeling bitter about what happened. Maybe my pessimism could have gotten worse. Maybe I’m thinking of giving up my life already. You know how emotional I was when we’re still together, right? You know how I am capable of doing the strangest things when I’m in the darkest days of my life.

But you see, it’s really suprising that I wake up every morning smiling and looking forward to yet another day full of love. I am full of hope, full of determination that I’d be able to withstand every hurtful things that could come along my way. I do not think our breakup could stop me from believing in love because with God alone, I feel so much loved.

When I lost you, I knew I have also lost my best friend. Do you remember how I always tell you before that you, among other people in the world are the only person who really understands every inch of my personality? I was so scared knowing that I was about to lose that person. I was scared by thought that now that you’re gone, no one could ever understand me like the way you did.

But I was so wrong to think that way. I forgot the only One who could really accept me for who I am, who could really embrace all my flaws, who is really patient when I’m being stubborn, who could really love me UNCONDITIONALLY. I forgot about God. And when you left, I began to see the good things that I have failed to see for such a very long time.

I won’t be a hypocrite saying that I’m not hurting anymore. Of course, I get hurt every now and then but I’ve realized that it’s only a matter of ACCEPTING and FORGIVING. There is no room for bitterness, selfishness, and unforgiveness now coz I know it won’t make me feel better if I’d succumb myself to those negative feelings.

I know things happened that way because better things will soon come. I may have lost you, but I became closer to God since then, and that’s something to be really thankful for. I’ve once thought that you’re the right one for me, but I guess I was wrong. Maybe God designed you to be with someone better and God wants me for a better guy, too. Our paths have crossed to teach each other a lesson and I want you to know that I have learned a lot from you. If not for you, I wouldn’t be able to know how much I am able to give for the person I really love.

When the time comes that I’d fall in love again, I know it’ll be a whole lot different. I’ve learned enough. And for sure, the next relationship I’d get myself into is the relationship God chooses me to be in. It’s Him who is driving my whole life now. I’m just patiently waiting for His plans for me.

I wish you well. She may be or may not be the one for you but I just wish you happiness. I will always remember you as a wonderful memory that happened to my life. You will always be special and I would forever cherish the good things that you’ve done for me. Those things that hurt me will serve as my guide not to stumble for another heartbreak again. God will work on my behalf. And I’m praying that God will also bless you in every thing that you do.

Be happy now. It’s a pleasure having to met someone like you. Till we meet again.

The girl you’ve once loved,
Tina

Some of the things I’ve learned, I learned from other people – by interacting with them, or just by simply listening to their stories and viewpoints. And all the religious stuff I know today came from others, too and through observation. I grew up asking a lot of questions – I even questioned my own religion.

Religiously speaking, I was baptized as a Roman Catholic. I was born knowing that God is powerful, that He created everything in this world, that He was the Father of Jesus Christ. That’s it. It hasn’t gotten any deeper than that. I remember when I was about to take my first communion, I was asking myself, “Why do I have to confess all my sins to the priest? He might tell everything to my parents and they will scold me.” Or “why do we have to pray the rosary, and say these prayers over and over again? Would that make me any better?” I thought then I was a non-believer.

Things have changed a little bit when I grew older. I confessed to myself that I do not have to be religious or follow any doctrines just as long as I believe in God and that He’s there to help me all the time. I’ve kept that belief for quite a long time.

I thought knowing Him and believing that He exists are enough. I thought I was obeying Him because I don’t go cursing Him. I thought I was a good person. I thought it was enough to save me.

And then I’ve learned about being a Christian. I’ve heard good things about it and that’s when I thought of becoming one, too. I’ve once attended a worship service in my friend’s church and it brought me into a whole new different perspective. Right then and there, I said to myself, I want to be a Christian and be close to God.

But I didn’t get to fulfill that easily. I was too busy with the things around me. I was too attached with the world. The guilt I was feelling for having committed a sin had consumed me and it detached me from God. My faith was really weak that time. I thought I knew God, but I realized I was just babbling it out. I was fooling myself that I have a relationship with Him when in fact, I was still not ready to obey Him.
Months passed and I was back to the old me. I was too ashamed to talk to Him because I was feeling unworthy. But I believe God is really making a way to bring His children close to Him again because that’s what he did to me. He brought me close to Him again.

Right after I attended a worship service in Victory Makati, I knew God was calling my attention to accept Him in my heart again. Right after that, I realized that despite all my problems, all these people who have given up on me, God has never left me behind. I knew right then God wants me to finish what I’ve started. And that’s what I did. That’s where I am now.

“The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” (Psalms 34:18)

This is really true. You know when we ask for God’s help because we can no longer bear the pain and we have no one else to turn to? God hears us. My heart was crushed when I turned to Him, but He healed it right away. I was battling out a problem with my relationship with someone and with my family but God helped me to accept it easily. He opened my eyes and made me see that if I will just trust His plans, everything will be okay.

Right now, I’m focused with my walk with God. But that doesn’t mean I no longer sin, that I no longer commit mistakes, that I am now a perfect person. I am still flawed, but the difference is that, I’m now seeking God’s help everytime I fall short. I seek God’s help to mold me into becoming a better person, and to change my way of thinking. I realized that it’s not our job to do it alone. We cannot change by ourselves or by willpower alone. When we decide to follow Him, we entrust our life to Him – everything – having faith that through Him, you will become better.

Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come. The old has gone, the new is here! (2 Corinthians 5:17)

“Blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousness, for theirs is the Kingdom of Heaven” (Matthew 5:10)

In my Christian walk, I’ve also learned that people will always say something about you. People will not believe in your words and actions. People will criticize and judge you. They will try to put you down. It’s really saddening, honestly, because most of the time, the people whom you think support you and believe you are the exact persons who ignore you. They don’t believe in it. But then, the only thing that keeps me driving is the faith that I have in God. That even though these people don’t believe with this change I’m having, God is there. That God believes in me. I didn’t force myself to change. It is God who transformed me so I could be a better Christian.

Of course, when you choose to walk with God, it doesn’t guarantee you to have a perfect life. I don’t live a perfect life either. When you choose to follow His rules, problems will arise and it’s a test on how strong you can hold on to your faith. I encounter trials every now and then, trials that challenge my faith. But as I’ve said, we don’t have to do it all alone. It’s a test on how well you trust God and how much you’re willing to give yourself to Him. It’s a matter of obedience, not sacrifice.

I’m sharing this because I want everyone to experience the same thing. When I chose to follow God, everything seems light. I don’t get depressed anymore. Or sometimes, when I’m feeling down, I’ll just utter a simple prayer and sing worship songs and it will all go away. I want people to know that with God, nothing is impossible. That God is an amazing God who can create miracles in your life. That God understands everything you’re going through.

We always complain when we go through a tough time, when someone breaks our hearts, that things are not going in the way we want it to. We have to realize that it’s not really about us. That things happen because God has a purpose behind it. That if we just trust Him enough, things will go smoothly. OUR LIFE HAS ALREADY BEEN PLANNED EVEN BEFORE WE WERE BORN. God designed our life exactly the way He wanted it to be. And if we try to get in His way, we’ll most probably face another trial and it won’t stop until we surrender to Him. It’s just a matter of waiting patiently.

This is going to be difficult and a really long process, but I intend to hold on to my faith. I will be a follower of Christ as long as I live and I will trust His plans for me for I know no one in this world could prosper my life and give me blessings like He does. It’s not magic that changed me, it’s God.

“Submit to God and be at peace with Him; in this way prosperity will come to you.” (Job 22:21)

“Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they will be filled.” (Matthew 5:6)